you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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