That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
