I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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