i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
