Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
