That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
