Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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