And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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