He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize