it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
