well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
