I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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