I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
