I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
