I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize