He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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