I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
