look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Houston, we have a blender
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
don't judge my taste in strippers
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
