that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
