There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
