DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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