Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Randomize
