It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
