I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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