I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
