dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she looked like the before picture.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
