I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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