Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
