i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize