Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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