Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
