So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
