The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize