Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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