i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
