Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
