she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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