You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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