youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
