So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize