Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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