I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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