genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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