clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
