Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
