I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
