First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
