He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize