Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
