Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
