Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
