just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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