Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My nipple is on Facebook.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
