Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
