I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need water and some morals
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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