He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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