Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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