She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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