your parents love me but you hate me
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
