i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
