his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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