No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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