We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize