Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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