We named our party play list daddy issues
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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