This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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