She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
