I didn't shave. On purpose
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
