just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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