someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
