Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
