I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
