You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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