why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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