hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
