Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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