You don't have asthma, your pregnant
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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