I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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