i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
