im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He has the fingertips of a God
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
