So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
