please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
