not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
