o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
