the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
