I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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