I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
