saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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