I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize