I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
