Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
