this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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