my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
