Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
