i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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