You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
