You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
