you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
