Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
