Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
