we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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