i think my tv is drunk
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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