He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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