never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
