google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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