He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The beer is more important than you right now.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
