I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
