I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
