they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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