I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
