we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize