well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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