if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
