My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
