My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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