my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
