forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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