you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
