and my herpes radar will keep us safe
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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